I’ll put this bluntly:Ewan McGregormakes all of us here at Collider dot com Very Horny. From his theatrical villainy andChris Messinarelationship inBirds of Prey, to his musical lovestruck-ness inMoulin Rouge!, to, of course, his bearded Obi-Wan Kenobi in theStar Warsprequels, Mr. McGregor just has a knack for setting our, um, “hearts” on fire. So when I hear, via a chat withACE Universe(in which he’s rocking long bleached-blond hair, a beard, and Apple Airpods, my goodness), that he’s joining the cast of an upcomingGuillermo del Toro, notoriously horny filmmaker (The Shape of Water, I mean, come onnn), I am eager and ready to get Super Horny! Until I learn that the film is a stop-motion adaptation ofPinocchio. And he’s playing Jiminy Cricket. And now… I’m just confused.
In the Disney take onPinocchio, Jiminy Cricket (Cliff Edwards) does not make me horny. He’s a small, literal cricket who serves as our gooder-than-good narrator, Pinocchio’s conscience, and singer of the Disney classic “When You Wish Upon a Star.” All of this is Wholesome, which as we all know, is the diametric opposite of Horny. And McGregor’s comments on inhabiting the non-horny-by-design character do nothing to hint at an inherent horniness:
I’m playing Jiminy Cricket in Guillermo del Toro’s version of Pinocchio. And that I had started working on before I left for New York, so some of that is recorded. And of course it’s stop-frame animation, so it’s going to take them a great long time to make that film. But my first part of that, which is recording his dialogue, is sort of done. There may or may not be a song that needs to be recorded. I’m not sure I’m at liberty to discuss that. Even though we’re just privately talking, you know.
And yet… We know what kind of filmmaker del Toro is. We know thathis version ofPinocchiois being given free creative liberties by Netflix. We now know that McGregor is likely singing a damn song. And I simply cannot help it: I am Horny Again. Curse you, McGregor! You’re making me find a damn singing cricket horny! How dare you?!
Pinocchiois scheduled to hit Netflix sometime in 2021. Check out McGregor’s full chat with ACE Universe below – there is a moment where McGregor accidentally spooks his “little dog” and then apologizes that I will be thinking about for some time. For more on “should we be horny?” news, here’s my colleague’s objective analysis on an upcominglive-actionRobin Hoodremake.
