Welcome back toTheCollider Pop Culture Review, in which Collider’s weekend editor Vinnie Mancuso wakes up only slightly hungover on aSaturdaySunday to rate the week’s biggest stories in film and television on a scale from 1 to 10. (1 is soul-crushingly bad, 10 is mind-blowingly incredible.) This week:Avengers 4might be 3 hours long which is much too long imho, Diego Luna will star in aRogue Oneprequel TV series for Disney’s streaming service, Vince Gilligan is developing aBreaking Badmovie for AMC, andIt’s Always Sunny in Philadelphiaended its third season with an earnestly breathtaking interpretive dance.
‘Avengers 4’ Might Be 3 Hours Long
Rating: 3, or “The Infinity Runtime”
During an Instagram live video,Avengers 4co-directorJoe Russolet slipthat the massive Marvel superhero-palooza is currently sitting around three hours long. As someone whofirmlybelieves that no Marvel movie ever made needs to be over two hours long, hearing Joe Russo say “Avengers 4is three hours” is the same exact thing as hearing Joe Russo say “Avengers 4begins with the movie theater usher wacking you in the dick with that light-up stick they use to point out the fire exits.”
I mean, I get it. There’s alotof plot, characters, quips, and personalities to stuff into a movie that essentially serves as the season finale of a decade-long story that spans time, space, galaxies, and several Bruce Banners. The Russos not only have to un-snap a dozen comic book icons out of their dust piles, they then have to concoct the showdown of showdowns with Thanosand—most likely—some type of sexy, sexy death forChris Evans' Captain America.
I completely understandwhyAvengers 4would be three hours long, but to me, these over-long Marvel entries are like those record-breaking sized sandwiches. Like,Avengers: Infinity Waris the biggest goddamn turkey sandwich ever made. Imagine if you ordered a turkey sandwich for lunch and someone rolled in like, a six-foot-tall sandwich. You’d certainly beimpressedby this behemoth creation. You’d think, “Wow, the sheer logistics of getting this giant turkey sandwich made are mind-boggling. Look at all the various ingredients, my word.” Trying to eat that sandwich would be anexperience, for sure, an event, even, but it would not be thebestturkey sandwich you’ve ever eaten, especially when you got to the end and were super depressed about everything and someone said, “By the way, that’s only half the sandwich.” That’s Infinity War.Infinity Waris not the best Marvel movie, it’s just the biggest, just a big freaking turkey sandwich getting praised for its size but not its lettuce to meat ratio, and that movie only clocks in at around two hours and 40 minutes. Three hours of Marvel movie madness is just too much to stomach.
Diego Luna to Star In ‘Rogue One’ Prequel Series
Rating: 7, or “Tudyk or Bust”
One of the most frustrating aspects ofRogue One: A Star Wars Story—besides the fact thatForest Whitakerdid not win an Oscar for his ten syllable pronunciation of the word “deception”—is that the pacing didn’t allow much time to know or care about most of the rogues before they all got blown to fuck on the planet Scarif.Jiang Wen’s character’s entire personality is “owns a particularly deadly Nerf gun.” For a million dollars I still could not tell you when or howRiz Ahmeddied in this film I’ve seen several times. The most emotional story arc inRogue Onebelongs to a sassy robot with the voice of Washburn fromFirefly.
With all that said, Disney’s streaming service is apparently doing something to remedy this, officially announcing thatDiego Lunawill reprise his role as Cassian Andorin aRogue Oneprequel series. ”The rousing spy thriller will explore tales filled with espionage and daring missions to restore hope to a galaxy in the grip of a ruthless Empire," Lucasfilm said in a release.
Right off the bat, “spy thriller in spaaaace” is the dopest possible genre of storytelling. Every film should be at least, like, 20% outer space spy thriller. Totally onboard with all of this. Bring back Tudyk as K-2SO and make this half outer space spy thriller, half buddy road trip movie through the stars.
Second of all, Netflix must bequaking. With each passing series announcement from Disney+, Netflix’s CEOReed Hastingsfeeds anotherFuller Housecast member into the sacrificial flames hoping to appease the Great Algorithm, who has suddenly gone silent. Disney is absolutelystackingthis service with top-notch content and talent.The Mandalorian, aTom HiddlestonLoki series, that Falcon and Winter Soldier show that will single-handedly fuel Tumblr for the next six centuries. Meanwhile, Netflix is axing half its Marvel shows, and you have to assumeDaredevilandJessica Jonesare side-eying the greener pastures on the other side of the Epcot ball.
Rating: 4, or “The Jesse-quel”
Nope. Noooope. Nope comma nope comma nope. I don’t think my body has resisted a piece of pop culture on a physical level this hard sinceHow I Met Your Motherconcluded with those kids practically begging their dad to bone their aunt. The news:Vince Gilliganhas written aBreaking Badmovie that hasreportedly gone into developmentat AMC.
Because two things can be true at once, I know that A) Whatever Gilligan cooks up will be incredible, moving, and enjoyable, and B) I don’t want this.Breaking Badis just a miracle of top-tier television, five seasons of Gilligan and Co. purposely writing themselves into corners and always somehow pulling themselves out again in truly breathtaking ways. If it wasn’t for HBO’s nose-breathing mafia man from New Jersey,Bryan Cranston’s Walter White would arguably be the best TV character of all time. So in the sense thatBreaking Badwas an amazing show, yes, a return trip to that universe is intriguing, be it prequel, sequel, or side-quel.
But I also like…endings? I know this is a hot take in the year of our lord 2018, but more stories should just end. Mainstream entertainment doesn’t end things anymore. Most Marvel movies are just elongated trailers for another Marvel movie. Anything with a halfway recognizable IP is fair game to resurrect from the dead.Andrew Lincoln’s much-touted exit fromThe Walking Deadturned out to be a transition into a whole-ass trilogy ofWalking Deadfilms that not a single human drawing breathe upon this accursed Earth ever asked for.
Breaking Baddidn’t have a perfect ending, but man, it had an ending. Walter White, freed from the lie that anything he does he does for his family, died among his one true, blue love. Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) riding away from a life of violence and letting out a primal scream of release, terror, and vindication. That’s just satisfying stuff, man. Therumored Jesse-focused sequelwould tarnish that, all of that. I reject the idea if it’s anything other than Jesse driving straight to Los Angeles and moving in with an alcoholic talking horse.
‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’ Ends on a Breathtaking
Rating: 9, or “I Get It”
For some strange, unexplainable reason,It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphiahas gone thirteen straight seasons as one of the best comedies on television and received almost no serious recognization in return. Well, no more! The series' thirteenth season concluded with one of the most shocking moments of a show built on shocks: A completely straight-faced interpretive dance number fromRob McElhenney’s Mac and professional ballerinaKylie Shea.
There’s really not much yucks to be told about this thing, other than the fact that a jacked-out-of-his-mind Ronald “Mac” McDonald coming out of the closet to his convict father through the art of dance is, without exaggeration, the most beautiful TV moment of the year. Watch it, then watch it twice more. https://www.youtube.com/embed/3J6urFp8YZ0
