The White Lotusis still going strong. It’s one ofthe best shows on Max, and season three is picking up steam as it enters its back-half. Much of what makes this social satire so popular are its characters and their dialogue, covering both people who frequent the hotel and those who work at the hotel. There is a lot of room for displaying their differences in wealth and societal status, in what people achieve through privilege versus what they earn through hard work and putting up with nonsense.
The best quotes in this series aren’t all humorous, but this show can be one of the funniest ones out there when it wants to be. Frankly, this entire list could belong to Tanya McQuoid’s greatest moments—asJennifer Coolidgeknocks her role out of the park for two seasons in a row. But there are plenty of great lines from other characters too, and they must also be acknowledged. Whether they’re completing someone’s character arc, illustrating the structural difference between the upper and lower classes, making us fall off our chairs in laughter, or doing a mixture of these, the best quotes inMike White’s brainchild are easy to remember.Ranked by their levels of humor, drama, and insights, here are the ten best lines in the series so far.
The White Lotus
Tanya McQuoid (Jennifer Coolidge)
In season one’s “New Day,” Tanya fell asleep during a spa session with Belinda. Her description of the experience is unexpected: “I dreamt that I was on the top of this beautiful mountain range in Asia…” Belinda says that’s cool, but Tanya’s not done: “And I had a cyanide pill.” Belinda (Natasha Rothwell) doesn’t know what to say to that. Tanya was almost ready to keep going, saying “And I just”—but then interrupts herself to change the subject back to how great Belinda is at her job.
The contrast between the beautiful mountain range and that ominous cyanide pill is funny enough as it is. Who knows what the meaning behind it could possibly be? In any case, the fact that she almost kept going makes the delivery so much better. The audience could spend ten minutes watching her go on about her dream (or nightmare?), especially with Belinda’s reactions. Even though we’ll never know how it ended, we’ll never stop wondering.
9"Don’t worry, it’s deconsecrated!"
Giuseppe (Federico Scribani Rossi)
Season two’s “In the Sandbox” sees Mia trying to fulfill her dream of becoming a piano player with a little bit of networking. Specifically, she tells The White Lotus' current piano player, Giuseppe (Federico Scribani Rossi), that she’ll have sex with him in exchange for some help. But Mia is so impatient to get it over with that she approaches him during the day and insists they do it right now. Giuseppe’s cool with that, but apparently the only room that’s open is a nearby church. When Mia (Beatrice Grannò) asks if he’s crazy, he says “Don’t worry; it’s deconsecrated!”
Does that really make it better? To be fair, Giuseppe’s reasoning here is practical; no one ever goes in here, so they won’t get caught in the act. That, too, feels telling about the kind of people who go to this particular hotel. WhenThe White Lotusis having fun, it can be a riot—and this particular storyline doesn’t disappoint.
8"Inaileddinner!"
Armond (Murray Bartlett)
Armond (a tremendousMurray Bartlett) on drugs is so much fun to watch. It’s the season one finale (among the show’s best entries), and by now he knows he’s going to get fired by his boss. So he’s going out with a bang; he took some of Olivia and Paula’s drugs for his final dinner seating, and it was such a blissful experience for him that the show had to use slow motion and play Johann Sebastian Bach’s “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring” to communicate his level of elation. When he returns to his office, he sits down and tells the other two employees inside, “Inaileddinner!”
The expression on Armond’s face is so intense, and it’s very amusing to hear someone boasting about his skills as a luxury resort manager while on some strong medication. It’s the opposite vibes one would expect for such a classy setting, and we’re here for it. He and the other two guys proceed to do drugs and party in his room, like a celebration. When Armond exclaims that it was the best seating ever, the audience wants to applaud for him. The man deserves to go out with his head held high.
7"Do you know these gays?"
Season two’s finale is a very stressful one for Tanya. She’s on a fancy yacht with men who want to kill her, and she just clumsily dropped her phone into the sea. When she spots the captain, however, she finds some hope. Unfortunately, their conversation kicks off with the disclaimer that he doesn’t speak English, but that’s not going to stop Tanya from asking him the following questions in English anyway: “Do you know these gays?Do you know these gays?”
As always, the delivery of these lines is perfect. The way she points down (the men she’s referring to are sitting on a lower level of the boat, but they’re technically not visible from this angle), the way she whispers the question twice. It’s not always easy to make light of such a heavy situation, but Mike White and Jennifer Coolidge capture the perfect tone here. She could have called them “guys,” but it’s so Tanya to call them “gays” instead. The fact that the captain only understands the word “gay” and goes on to tell her that he’s also gay truly makes this a conversation for the ages.
6"Yeah, maybe Grandpa was a power bottom! Does that make you feel better?"
Olivia Mossbacher (Sydney Sweeney)
“Mysterious Monkeys” is one of the series' funniest episodes, and the Mossbachers' conversation about Mark’s father is one reason why. When it’s unveiled to the rest of the family that Mark’s father was gay, Olivia (one ofSydney Sweeney’s best roles) and Paula (Brittany O’Grady) casually speculate on the specifics. Even though Olivia tells him that “receiving” is usually how you contract HIV, she tries to cheer him up with the idea that Grandpa wasn’t necessarily “femme.” Paula suggests that Mark’s late father could’ve been a “bossy bottom,” and Olivia chimes in with maybe her funniest line of the season: “Yeah, maybe Grandpa was a power bottom! Does that make you feel better?”
Mark’s father had been cheating on his mother for who knows how long with a secret second life that Mark (Steve Zahn) only just found out about, so no—whether or not Grandpa was a “power bottom” makes zero difference. The fact that the girls think it might have cheered him up hilariously underscores the gap between them. Overall, this is one of the most amusing exchanges inThe White Lotus’three seasons.
5"They want to be the only child: the special, chosen baby child of the hotel, and we are their mean mommies denying them the Pineapple room."
The series premiere has some excellent quotes, including all the tips that Armond is giving Lani (the anxious and secretly pregnant trainee). The most telling piece of advice has to be when he tells her to treat the guests like children: “They always say it’s about money, but it’s not. It’s not even about the room. They—they just need to feel seen. They want to be the only child: the special, chosen baby-child of the hotel, and we are their mean mommies denying them the Pineapple room.”
Armond may be underestimating Shane’s level of immaturity here, but this statement certainly rings true to how the guests at The White Lotus generally behave. The fact that it’s not even about the money is especially interesting. The guests have enough cash to lose track of, but the attention—the need to feel important—is what really drives them. Armond has had so much experience in this business that his insights feel especially well-earned, highlighting why members of the hotel staff make up some ofThe White Lotus' best characters.
4"I think you just…you just do whatever you have to do not to feel like a victim."
Daphne Sullivan (Meghann Fahy)
This quote from the season two finale is an example of iconicWhite Lotusdialogue with no humor at all. Daphne (Meghann Fahy) and Ethan (Will Sharpe) are on the beach together, and Ethan heavily implies that their spouses may have had sex during the vacation. It takes a little while for Daphne to reply, staring off into the distance. Finally, she tells him she doesn’t think he has anything to worry about, going off on a rather abstract speech about not being able to know everything about someone.
In the end, she says “I think you just…you just do whatever you have to do not to feel like a victim.” Meghann Fahy gives one ofthe anthology series' best performances, managing to make her character look like she’s trying to do just that in real time without any melodrama or tears. Daphne is always calm, and her inability to confront the feelings of betrayal and sadness she’s surely suppressing comes through in surprisingly forthright dialogue like this. This character has a very complicated psyche, and this stubborn refusal to be a victim sums her up very well.
3"It’s a good feeling when you realize that someone has money. ‘Cause then you don’t have to worry about them wanting yours."
Season two’s “That’s Amore” sees Tanya and Portia (Haley Lu Richardson) spending time with some men who are apparently living the high life. Tanya tells her assistant, “It’s a good feeling when you realize that someone has money. ‘Cause then you don’t have to worry about them wanting yours.” The lack of self-awareness here is fantastic, as Portia obviously can’t relate. She says it must be a relief, and Tanya still doesn’t realize how rich she sounds: “It is!”
First of all, this helps put audiences in the mentality of people like Tanya and the other rich patrons at The White Lotus. They’re worried about the lower classes trying to steal from them, and they (especially Tanya) basically put their guard down when they’re given the impression someone is sufficiently rich. The mistrust is quite noteworthy, and so is the foreshadowing. It will become clear that these men are absolutely after Tanya’s money, making this a quote that’s not only satirical but becomes more meaningful upon revisit.
2"You want my advice? Well, I’m all out."
Belinda (Natasha Rothwell)
In the season one finale, Belinda (Natasha Rothwell) is listening to Rachel (Alexandra Daddario) talk about how she doesn’t want to be a trophy wife. The spa manager just spent the entire week trying to give Tanya relationship advice while being strung along with the promise of having her own spa center, which Tanya backed out of last minute. Now this other woman of the elite class comes to her with the complaint that she’s giving up a part of herself in exchange for a ton of money, and Belinda is tired of it. “You want my advice?” she asks. “Well, I’m all out.” Then she walks out of the room.
Belinda was so supportive throughout the week, and even had the kindness to offer Rachel her number earlier in the episode. So her jaded demeanor in this scene is sad to witness, not to mention tragic for Rachel—who deserved more help than Tanya did. She probably would have taken Belinda’s advice to heart, too. It’s a powerful end to the spa manager’s arc, as well as a perfect encapsulation of how alone Rachel feels in that moment.
Tanya’s eulogy for her mother is one of the highlights of the series. Shane (Jake Lacy), Rachel, Belinda, and Dillon are on the boat with her, and she is holding her mother’s ashes in a chest. The speech starts off in a way that makes us think it’ll be an honorable dedication, but it quickly devolves into a borderline diatribe. Tanya divulges that her mother was a nymphomaniac, had no maternal instincts, and more. Perhaps the funniest part is this: “My mother told me I would never be a ballerina, and that was when I was skinny! Poor mother, she just couldn’t handle her jealousy. She had to take me down!”
This speech leaves the viewer laughing hysterically, thanks not only to Coolidge’s masterful delivery but also to those cuts of Shane watching her single-handedly ruin what was supposed to be a romantic dinner with his new wife. Tanya doesn’t even question what they’re doing here, which makes this even better. And yet, we cannot shake a sense of pity for this tragic woman. Dillon is visibly heartbroken by this speech—this masterful blend of pathos and humor that demonstrates why “Mysterious Monkeys” is one ofthe bestWhite Lotusepisodes so far.
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